Why I'm Not a Fan of Being Called "Alex"

Let's get this straight folks. While I am technically Alexander, I prefer to go by Sasha. I have always gone by Sasha, and I always will. My father's name was Alex. I wasn't named after him. I was named after both the son of a friend of my mother's and my paternal uncle's ex-father in law. No, I'm not kidding.

Almost eleven years after his passing, there is a void in my heart. Sure, I had serious issues with him growing up and he went to his grave probably knowing that I had resentment towards him. But regardless, he was my dad, my biological father, the man who instilled a love of learning into me, a man who was proud to have me as a son. A sense of intellectual curiosity that has near limitless potential. At the same time, this is a man who in trying to do his best made some poor choices in trying to get me help for my issues growing up. Why my parents didn't seek additional help for me after all the school psychologists noted my issues is beyond me. I'm seriously disappointed that it took until the sixth grade for me to receive help in any form. But my father did his best, and I hope that I can be the parent that he never had the chance to be. I hope to one day have children of my own, to be able to care for and to bring to museums, soccer practice, well you all get the point. While I might have inherited my father's emotional genetics, I hope to overcome those natural flaws.

A tweet I can never send: @Eminem "When I hear your song "Headlights" it reminds me of the strained relationship I had with my late father. While you have issues with your mother, at least she is still alive and you can try to make amends. I have to go to my grave knowing I could never do that."

Maybe if I had the chance this year I'll lay some flowers on your grave Dad. Everyone misses you, even yours truly. You've missed so much in these last eleven years: play practices, proms, graduations, your two sons learning to drive, your sons girlfriends, one of them embracing your love for rock and blues, seeing them get a glimpse into your childhood and a bunch of other events/happenings/et cetera.