In an Era of Declining Relationships

Today, the New York Times posted an essay by Columbia University sophomore Jordana Narin, entitled "No Labels, No Drama. Right?". This whole "no labels" thing runs into problems because relationships are best when they are defined. As someone with an autism spectrum disorder, a label on a relationship lets me know where the boundaries are along with my responsibilities in the relationship. I can relate quite well to the author. The problem I've noticed these days is that couples (even those not in a defined relationship) are afraid to take risks to improve the relationship. For instance:

Naïvely, I had expected to gain clarity, to finally admit my feelings and ask if he felt the same. But I couldn’t confess, couldn’t probe. Periodically I opened my mouth to ask: “What are we doing? Who am I to you?” He stopped me with a smile, a wink or a handhold, gestures that persuaded me to shut my mouth or risk jeopardizing what we already had.

Why would bringing it up jeopardize what you already have? Have we become that afraid of offending people? If I was Narin, I would have made a stink. I'd like to know where my relationship is headed, and to hope that the other half has his/her (in my case, her) good faith in everything.

In general, relationships in this country have turned into disposable commodities. And for someone who likes to repair things and not throw them out, this whole notion is upsetting. Or am I reading too much into things? Relationships are worth having, and why we've become phobic to them is beyond me.

I'll use this as a bad example: late last year, Shelby Swink, a young lady from Tennessee, found herself left at the altar five days before her wedding date when her fiancee told her that he'd had a change of heart. While Shelby turned trauma into triumph, it's not that easy. Apparently I like Offbeat Bride. We don't know whether or not the relationship turned sour or if it was at the spur of the moment (I'm assuming it was the spur of the moment).

Reading through my own Facebook chats with an ex-girlfriend, I did an absolutely horrid job on both defining and rehabilitating a relationship. I didn't even try. Worse, I added salt in a wound. The reason the relationship collapsed was because I had some issues with my own family and was making them public, and I made the stupid decision to add as "friends" on Facebook my ex's entire family. I turned a hiatus of a relationship permanent, without discussing the other half. Looking back, I handled the whole thing terribly. So I shouldn't be one to say much. According to one author, lasting relationships rely on two traits: and from that hard to get at article, it's nothing more than kindness and generosity. And I'll add another one: honesty.