Remembering Alex Ivanoff

When it comes to my dad, I remember the bad with the good. And today, on the tenth anniversary of his death, I remember all too well. I remember being told in the kitchen of the Lakespring Drive house with everyone in shock telling me and me being in disbelief, my brother inconsolable. My life has never been the same. And that's how it is. A man I had such a love/hate relationship with was gone.

I VAGUELY remember when I had a meltdown in the first grade and I not only had to be picked up from school by my dad but was suspended from school. If there was a Guinness book of records for most times a student was suspended from school, I would rank high on the list. And he took his hand and gently pinned my head to the wall and gave me a good verbal lashing. I feared getting in trouble at school because my dad would unleash fury on me, or at least that's how it felt.

But we always tended to butt heads, regardless of the occasion. But I was a much younger me, and I didn't know better. I had an irrational fear of my first grade teacher because she was so young. And I found my dad's lifestyle uncomfortable, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, either ask me or let it just it be a mystery for you. For a six year old, I was pretty conservative.

On the other hand, I wanted to see another before I turned 10. French Canada counted. So a few months before my tenth birthday, my dad, brother and I made a beeline for Montreal. We checked of the Canadian Railway Museum, better known as Exporail. A really neat place, and I wish I still had pictures. Maybe Nicky has some.

One of the disappointments that will always linger with me is how much of my life he missed. He never got to see me leave the world of self-contained special ed classes. He never got to see me wear braces, go to school dances, learn to drive, graduate high school, (to some degree, not completely) be a normal teenager, go on my first date, my first kiss, my first girlfriend, my first serious relationship. But he was right on the money about being unhappy with my diagnoses. What bothers me is why he didn't pursue to issue further. In 2001, a psychologist working for BOCES gave me a non-clinical diagnosis of PDD-NOS. The tragedy is that my dad never pursued the diagnosis. If I can dig up some of his old schoolwork from when he went back to college in '99-02 timeframe, I'll add that to the blog.

Dad, me, Nicky and the rest of your friends and family miss the heck out of you.  

*This blog post will probably be updated as I see fit.

Autistics: The Case Why We're Like the Rest of You

As we near the halfway mark of Autism Awareness Month (which seems to fizzle out halfway through, at least for me) I wanted to bring up an important topic: the myth that people with autism can't lead normal lives. Quite the contrary. Many of us do, and even I do (although I do struggle at times). We date, we cry, we hold hands, we love, we hang out with friends.

We even get married. There's a ton of stories about auties getting married. "This guy in math class" eventually turned into one lady's husband and father of her child. And sure, we start off as awkward as anything, but give us time to warm up and some of us are social creatures. Or maybe this young lady is more accepting than the rest of us. Regardless, many of us struggle to gain acceptance.

We even go to college. Haley Moss wrote a brilliant piece for Her Campus, a college topics oriented website for women. I've been in her shoes before, from the guy's perspective. Regardless, I believe men on the spectrum have it much harder than women on the spectrum, and that rings true for the collegiate world. Haley's words ring so true: I am not less of a person, just different. And that's something I should embrace.

And tomorrow I set off for Philadelphia in the morning to do just that: figure out how I can perform at my best and how I can better help myself.

Politicians Doing Work

From the Huffington Post:

For many lawmakers, particularly in today's austerity-obsessed political environment, the only way to save a dollar is to not spend that dollar. But if politicians really want to reduce government spending, there are more than a few areas where funding today can save millions of taxpayer dollars tomorrow. Besides being sensible policy initiatives, the following investments can also cost us less overall than doing nothing.

I completely agree. For instance, Governor Cuomo has tried getting funding for educational opportunities for prison inmates. While I think that money is better used education non-prisoners, I also agree that educating prisoners will save money in the long run. The issue is when you close prisons though, you put people out of work. It's sad that Northern NY relies on prisons in order for people to make money.

Let's see some of these examples at work:

1) Reducing greenhouse gases: Important on that it not just lowers healthcare costs and the need for people to have inhalers and other respiratory needs. The future of our planet is at stake.
2) Housing homeless people and getting them back on their feet: Actually, that one is a little more complex-some of these people unfortunately need to be in group homes or assisted living facilities for those with psychiatric conditions.
3) Sex ed programs: Unwanted/unexpected pregnancy is expensive, whether it be prenatal/maternal care, day care, nutrition programs, etc. For every buck spent $2.65 is returned? Not bad.
4) Home delivered meal programs. This, along with some assistance from a next door neighbor and a visiting nurse (and his own intact cognition) allowed my grandfather to stay out of a nursing home until his dying days. And why don't we tackle the big issues with spending instead of cutting programs like public broadcasting, public transit, Amtrak, you name it. The problem is that we have a military budget blown out of proportion and a tax burden on the middle and working classes
5) Early Childhood education: an absolutely no-brainer. Studies have shown that children perform better with pre-school programs. On the other hand, we're creating a nation of strung out twenty-somethings.
6) Drug treatment programs: Easy, rehabilitate drug users, they stay out of jail.
7) Prison education and treatment: See the beginning of the article.
8) Needle exchange: This one is an iffy. For medical use, we should be funding this.
9) The IRS. Well that's a concern. The IRS isn't funded right? That's scary to say the least, if the facts are correct."One report suggested that each dollar invested in the IRS can reduce the federal budget deficit by as much as $200." WOW! For $100k, we reduce the deficit by $2 million.

Fact and Fallacies: The Adirondack Rail-Trail

For the unteenth month in a row, the issue surrounding the Adirondack Scenic Railroad is still lingering. For months, the leaders and the Adirondack Rail Trail Advocates have gotten nothing but positive press from most of Upstate New York's newspapers.

But recently that stopped. A little more than a week ago, the Utica Observer-Dispatch ran an article on how the tracks in the Adirondacks cannot and should not be disturbed. Quoting that article:

But the trump card is the track. It must not be disturbed. Once it’s gone, there would never be a return to rail. The challenge here is for the powers-that-be to find compromise that can accommodate track and trail.

 I cannot agree more. Personally, if the ARTA is so desperate, they should just go ahead and tear down a few trees or build the right of way in the forest itself. The point about how those with disabilities can enjoy the scenery from the trains is partially correct, even though the ASRR's stations and equipment are not ADA accessible, if I recall correctly. Further quoting:

But those same people — and many more — would have that same access by leaving the rail intact. In fact, many who would never be able to experience such Adirondack wilderness — people with disabilities, the elderly, very young children and others — would be able to enjoy the area, too — from the comfort of the train. And a big economic plus: It would start in Utica. No other city in the state can do this.

There are other considerations. The Adirondack rail line passes through vast wilderness. In many spots, there is not even cell phone service and many miles through thick forest to the nearest road. It’s unlikely that a hiker or biker who experiences a serious medical issue here would get out safely.

The same reasons I've made all along.

While I don't like to attack people personally, I'm going to call out Lee Keet on this one. And he's a pretty powerful guy.

And here's some more articles. It turns there's a fair amount of out-of-state support for the Adirondack Scenic (James Falcsik makes the argument that Rails-to-Trails Conservancy "should answer why it is supporting the destruction of an active rail corridor in New York state") and the Adirondack Scenic's own staff have made good arguments (including a trail on the Tupper-to-Saranac segment, which I could see as popular, especially if the Adirondack Scenic were to put baggage cars on the trains. Ride your bike to Tupper Lake, take the train back! A win-win!)




The facts are clear: trains have a proven track record and I could see intercity service coming back to the Adirondack Park via Utica. The Lake Placid-Utica branch service held out until 1965, when the New York Central cut the passenger run, the last branch line NYC passenger service. And some people take the train BECAUSE it takes longer. I can't get work done when I'm in the car, even when I'm not driving. I can read on the bus, the train, the plane, but not a car. And if you're going 60mph, you don't get to see the beauty of the Adirondacks. That's why the train goes slow (Also, rebuilding the tracks for 79mph speed is WAY more money than the ASRR or NYSDOT can afford, apparently). Every few years, the railroad's usable track increases, or so it feels like.

I'm glad that 2014 is showing to be a year where finally some sense is coming to this argument.

The Confusing Dynamics of the Autism Community

...or to put it blunty, why some on the spectrum either refuse to acknowledge the existence of Autism Speaks OR will do anything to destroy them. Take this tweet for instance:

We know - you just want to help. But #LIUB is NOT helping. Instead, try @autselfadvocacy or @Autism_Women!
— Divergent Swarm (@DivergentSwarm) April 2, 2014

That's what I call "autism arrogance". And I'd like to believe that us autistics are a little bit better than that; that we're above name calling. It's that militarism that upsets me. True, Autism Speaks does the opposite of what they are supposed to do. But they're a powerful organization, and that's that. You can't fix some behaviors

Any radicalism bothers me, whether it be political, societal or any. We already live in a world with enough hatred. I call on all autism groups to stop this senseless side-taking and hatred towards on another.

Sasha's commentary for April 2, 2014: Weird and Happy Stuff

"Meet the Catfish Couple Who Actually Made It" the headline from PEOPLE Magazine read. Lauren Meler is my age. Wow. Mind-boggling that I'm still stuck at home, my life in a holding pattern. Needless to say I wish her and her fiancee, Derek Shullenbarger, my best wishes, as I would any happy couple. And they're situation is unusual: two honest people on the internet communicating and them showing their true selves. No wonder they're getting married: it's rare to have a genuine online relationship. I'm watching their Catfish special, and on watching it, I'm feeling Lauren is a bit like me in that regard, hard to let go of someone special. She's hung up on a mystery guy, and said mystery guys is partly intimidated, nervous as hell-makes for a great happily ever after story!

Dysfunctional politics: Jake Rush is running for Congress in Florida's 3rd Congressional District as a wholesome family man. Right...unlike cosplay, what he does is much stranger.

Mind’s Eye, or MES, is a nationwide community of gothic-punk role-players who come together to take on personas of vampires and other supernatural beings (known as Kindred), dealing with night-to-night struggles “against their own bestial natures, hunters, and each other.”

Voters will desert him as soon as the networks pick up this story. Or maybe not. Republicans at times can do no wrong in the eyes of many voters.

Since the state Legislature has signed off on abolishing the Electoral College (joining the popular vote compact), I urge Governor Cuomo to sign the bill into law.

Alright. I only have a few hours to celebrate World Autism Awareness Day, so I'm going to do just that.

World Autism Awareness Day, and why I celebrate

I am troubled at times by the rhetoric that Autism Speaks at times uses, but as I've said plenty of times, they've made autism a household name. At the same time, Autism Speaks has cultivated a culture of fear among the community, often to the point where they pitty those with autism, but more importantly, their families. But just like with certain Republicans in New York, I give credit where credit is due.

For me, World Autism Awareness Day is also a day of celebration for all that those on the autism community have made towards making our world a little bit of a better place. Trust me, I want to find a way to make my big contribution, and if it's through participation in the political process through elected office, I'll accept that. I celebrate today because it's a day where we recognize that you can't ignore autism, but we can redefine how we look at it and those afflicted by it.

For me, autism isn't so much a way of life as much a part of it. I just deal with its effects, like I would if I were diabetic. I've been taught over the years to make the best out of a bad situation, and that's exactly what I've done for nearly the last two decades.

It's been Autism Speaks' and others job to promote autism awareness, it's my job to turn that into autism acceptance and to go out and change the world and make it a better place.

Neurotypical Problems and an Autistic Guy who thinks Neurotypical

This is going to be a brief entry.

One of my biggest problems as someone on the autism spectrum is that I don't think like others on the spectrum. Except for transportation, I have pretty neurotypical interests. I drive a car, I hang out with friends, I want my own form of a happy ever after. So that's something that I conflict with constantly. There's a side of me that shows autistic tendencies and one that makes me a regular, neurotypical person. I don't spend most of my life on Wrong Planet (no offense to Alex and the rest of the bigwigs at the site). I strive for interpersonal relationships. At the same time, I wonder if I'm on the autistic fringe, able to function pretty well but also struggling just enough to warrant help to ensure I'm at my best.

For instance, I like to socialize, but sadly it's something I don't get to do too often. Same goes for dating. It's something I wish I could do more often, meet people (especially ladies) my own age.But I struggle. Anxiety turns into me making a fool out of myself. I probably (not knowingly) violate Internet etiquette on a daily basis. But I'm not giving up on being a more sociable person. That's something I REFUSE to do.

I don't fit the mold of the stereotypical person with autism/Asperger's. I'm known for my bubbly personality (first, I'm not gay and second, I hate to brag). I at times struggle with my autism identity, and my peers only make it more difficult. I've been criticized online for some of my comments on several Facebook groups dealing with autism.

So if anyone wonders, being me isn't a piece of cake emotionally. In that regard, it's rough. I'm not autistic enough to fit that stereotype, but I'm also lacking some neurotypical behaviors and synapses to succeed the way I'd like.