Two Decades Later

Two decades after I was born, way too much has changed. And I don't want to call myself a conservative or a traditionalist, but it's like I'm a whole different person. And as much as that makes me happy, it scares me nonetheless. For me, I've somewhat come full circle and to add, those who I knew from my childhood have forgotten who I am, and for those who still remember, would be shocked to see that I am a totally different person in ways, but much of that Sasha-ness is still there. My autistic traits, my being able to relate to everyone as much as I can, my energetic spirit, my difficulties, etc; they all still live with me day after day.

First off, I no longer have much of a connection to my downstate roots. It's almost as if it was just a dream. Not so much however. Some of the faces and names are still there, and I try to keep a strong connection with my past as my past has helped to shape my present and will help (and/or hurt) to shape my future. I am surprised that I do not have an extreme fear of change, but I don't. It's inevitable. But that downstate connection I try to keep alive, as it's where I'm from

As the great philosopher and historian George Santayana said in his oft-misquoted remark:

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

And I try my hardest to live by that every day. It's not the easiest thing to do in the world, but I can say that I try, and that's what counts.

Sure, I've had some tragic and very upsetting things happen in my life, but I have every time risen above them. Here's to twenty great years and a kajillion more! It's been a fun and a wild ride.

(NOTE: Kajillion is defined by the Urban Dictionary as "A very large number [that is] usually an overexxageration.")

Never Surrender

I've learned in life that when things get rough, the tough fight back.

And somehow, I wonder if I have lost track at that same creed. I probably have.

For instance, when I complain that I have no friends, I have to realize that I have a crazy group of pals who nearly always want to hang out. I have a loving family that, albeit a bit weird and bizarre, loves me for who I am. Other things will come as they will.

But somehow, I feel so defeated, so frustrated that I would do anything to make the world a better place. That and I feel that the world is too narrow-minded.

Okay, I'm done now. I'll go relax and read.

The Anti-Aspie

My personality literally tortures me, and it's not funny.

I would accept having Asperger's syndrome if I had better math skills, was more computer savy, had more strengths, had worse hygiene, etc. But no. I have to be the one to constantly and relentlessly beat the odds, almost to the point of obsession. I want to be the first person with autism elected to a major public office. I look up to Harvey Milk. He beat the odds, and sure died a martyr because of it, and I'm willing to die to better those with pervasive developmental disorder and make their lives better. Every minority group deserves political representation.

But I have the aspirations and much of the personality of an air head. Need I say identity crisis?

And I wish people could understand, people MY OWN AGE could understand the struggle I face everyday to keep my head up, forget about high.

Wit and Wisdom of Sasha for August 5, 2010

"If there's something called the Moral Majority, and it could be said that Jerry Falwell was the leader, then I am the leader of the new Left Wing Moral Majority, which is the Moral Majority, except more socially liberal and supportive of gay marriage, while still championing some sense of family values. God, I have to stop watching Fox News! Or we call this 'The Alternative Moral Majority'?"

An Update for Late June

I know, it's been a while since I have last put an update on here, but a lot has changed.

First off, I am now in a relationship, yes, I have a girlfriend. That will be covered in a future post.

Second, I'm now in New York City working in my uncle's engineering company's IT department as an intern. With that has come some minor changes, and yet again, that will be the topic of another journal entry.

And lastly, I forgot what else I was going to say. I don't know what exactly I'll be doing work-wise today though.

It's been a while....

It's been a while since I've updated this blog. It's also been eons since I did a YouTube video detailing my autism and whatnot. But that will be for another time, as a couple of exciting things are coming my way.

On Tuesday, I start my two month long internship at Ammann & Whitney, the engineering firm where my uncle is president and CEO of. During a visit to his office late in December, my uncle and I had a very lovely idea of working there this summer. A couple of phone calls later, some arrangements and paperwork, and I was (two days ago) bound for New York City on the southbound Adirondack. Since then, I have settled into my grandmother's almost deserted home in Queens, preparing to start work.

The eight weeks are going to be a serious learning curve for me. I have never before ever handled my own affairs before. I can't even cook to save my life. But I look at it differently in some ways. I'm a Russian-American, and Russians in general are known for playing catch up very well.

Last night I had a dream. It was weird, and if it weren't for the combination of my alarm clock and my phone going off, I would have probably freaked out in my sleep. I was dreaming that I was in an upper division class of Dr. Smith's in Potsdam, and this girl was sitting in front of me in the class. And behold, she was calling me a "dirtbag" in a loud whisper. I get so aggitated that I leave the room and flip out, and get suspended. That's why it's a dream. It would never happen in real life, but heck, it scared the heck out of me in my dream.

But enough moaning about spilled milk, as it's time to keep moving forward!

Wake up people...I'm not a homophobe!

I have gotten the impression that people think that I am a homophobe. In fact, that is the farthest thing from the truth. Don't judge someone because they've grown up in farm country. In fact, being a native city kid (I was born in New York City and I spend a fair amount of time there, mind you have it) I have respect for the LGBT community. One of my mom's fellow coworkers when I was growing up was gay, and although I didn't know it at the time. This coworker and good friend of my mother's treated me like if I was his own son. He let me use his typewriter in his office, he took me to lunch at McDonald's, and kept me occupied on one Saturday after another, as he and my mom worked tirelessly to finish textbook projects.

Another thing I think people see me as is being none other than a plain old closeted gay guy. I'm straight, thanks. I quietly go bonkers when I see a girl in a bikini No one should be the one to determine your sexuality. Don't judge people on their voice pitch. For all we might know Justin Beiber might have been "having fun" last night with a girl.

Third time's the um...charm?

That's right.

I'm trying to get rid of my other Google username and center everything on my main one. I believe that as humans, we all have usernames that we use across the Internet for everything: Myspace, Facebook, AIM, Google, etc. It's sort of like our digital callsign.

And that's all I have for now! :)