In an Era of Declining Relationships

Today, the New York Times posted an essay by Columbia University sophomore Jordana Narin, entitled "No Labels, No Drama. Right?". This whole "no labels" thing runs into problems because relationships are best when they are defined. As someone with an autism spectrum disorder, a label on a relationship lets me know where the boundaries are along with my responsibilities in the relationship. I can relate quite well to the author. The problem I've noticed these days is that couples (even those not in a defined relationship) are afraid to take risks to improve the relationship. For instance:

Naïvely, I had expected to gain clarity, to finally admit my feelings and ask if he felt the same. But I couldn’t confess, couldn’t probe. Periodically I opened my mouth to ask: “What are we doing? Who am I to you?” He stopped me with a smile, a wink or a handhold, gestures that persuaded me to shut my mouth or risk jeopardizing what we already had.

Why would bringing it up jeopardize what you already have? Have we become that afraid of offending people? If I was Narin, I would have made a stink. I'd like to know where my relationship is headed, and to hope that the other half has his/her (in my case, her) good faith in everything.

In general, relationships in this country have turned into disposable commodities. And for someone who likes to repair things and not throw them out, this whole notion is upsetting. Or am I reading too much into things? Relationships are worth having, and why we've become phobic to them is beyond me.

I'll use this as a bad example: late last year, Shelby Swink, a young lady from Tennessee, found herself left at the altar five days before her wedding date when her fiancee told her that he'd had a change of heart. While Shelby turned trauma into triumph, it's not that easy. Apparently I like Offbeat Bride. We don't know whether or not the relationship turned sour or if it was at the spur of the moment (I'm assuming it was the spur of the moment).

Reading through my own Facebook chats with an ex-girlfriend, I did an absolutely horrid job on both defining and rehabilitating a relationship. I didn't even try. Worse, I added salt in a wound. The reason the relationship collapsed was because I had some issues with my own family and was making them public, and I made the stupid decision to add as "friends" on Facebook my ex's entire family. I turned a hiatus of a relationship permanent, without discussing the other half. Looking back, I handled the whole thing terribly. So I shouldn't be one to say much. According to one author, lasting relationships rely on two traits: and from that hard to get at article, it's nothing more than kindness and generosity. And I'll add another one: honesty.

Late April update

For the last several weeks, some issues in my personal life have conspired against me and have caused me to say some really inappropriate things and come to some really inappropriate conclusions. I've been realizing my own shortcomings and needless to say I've been frustrated by them. So for the time being I'm focusing on taking care of me and dealing with my demons

To those people I've angered, I apologize. The person I'm really angry at is myself.

My response to Newsweek's "Abercrombie & Fitch Tries to Turn Down the Terrible"

From the article posted on Newsweek's website:

On Friday, Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister announced they are “overhauling some of their store policies,” including ridding outlets of blaring music, dungeon lighting and nose-shriveling perfume overdoses. In other words, for the first time in decades, their stores will become fit for adult human beings with eyes, ears and noses to enter and actually shop without experiencing sensory overload.

I should have dared anyone with an autism spectrum disorder to go in there prior to the changes. Like myself. But then again, I've never had any loyalty to the A&F brand.

My Response to "Orchestra Drops Pianist Valentina Lisitsa Over 'Deeply Offensive' Tweets"

From New York City's classical music station WQXR-FM (also jokingly the official radio station of the New York Times):

Valentina Lisitsa, a well-known classical pianist whose Twitter feed regularly features barbed political commentary about the conflict in Ukraine, was dropped from two performances this week with the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, after the ensemble cited concerns over her "deeply offensive" and "provocative" online remarks.

Lisitsa, a Ukrainian-American who was scheduled to perform Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2 with the TSO this Wednesday and Thursday, took to Facebook on Monday to accuse the Toronto Symphony (TSO) of censorship. 

"Yes, Toronto Symphony is going TO PAY ME NOT TO PLAY because I exercised the right to free speech," she wrote in a rambling, 1000-word post. "Yes, they will pay my fee but they are going to announce that I will be unable to play and they already found a substitute. And they even threatened me against saying anything about the cause of the cancellation. Seriously." 

The pianist accused the orchestra of bowing to a "small but aggressive lobby claiming to represent Ukrainian community," which she said had taken issue with "caricatures" she posted to Twitter related to the Charlie Hebdo terrorist attacks in Paris.

The Toronto Symphony declined to comment Monday on Lisitsa's charges and issued a statement defending its decision to cancel her contract. "Due to ongoing accusations of deeply offensive language by Ukrainian media outlets, we have decided to replace Valentina Lisitsa," said the orchestra's president and CEO Jeff Melanson.

"Valentina Lisitsa’s provocative comments have overshadowed past performances. As one of Canada’s most important cultural institutions, our priority must remain on being a stage for the world’s great works of music, and not for opinions that some believe to be deeply offensive."

Since 2010, Lisitsa has maintained a Twitter feed – now under the alias NedoUkrainka – through which she frequently expresses her strong support of Russian-backed separatists in Ukraine. In over 13,000 tweets aimed at more than 9,000 followers, she has posted sharp denunciations of Western media and Ukrainian "neo-Nazis" mixed with graphic battlefront videos and images. 

Lisitsa, 41, was born in Kiev but moved to the U.S. after the breakup of the Soviet Union in 1991. She launched her career through a YouTube channel, which unlike her Twitter feed, is devoted to performance videos, and which now has received some 43 million visitors. In 2012 she signed a recording contract with Decca.

While frequently described as "the web's favorite pianist," until now, her political commentary has prompted little response by North American concert presenters or audiences. One exception came in October, when a small group of protesters picketed in front of her recital at Heinz Hall in Pittsburgh. She is scheduled to perform later this month in Spokane, WA and Dayton, OH.

Requests for comment through her manager and label were not immediately returned on Monday. The Toronto Symphony has not announced a replacement pianist for this week's concerts.

Actually, she's right on Ukraine being (partially) run by neo-Nazis. It's a mess over there, and my heart always goes out to my family members over there. Just thought I'd share the article since it hits close to home.