My response to "Dating on the Autism Spectrum"

The Atlantic somehow managed to make my day a little bit duller with their article on autism and dating, published this very morning. Here is my response and critical feedback.

The article is not only well-written, but as someone with autism, I do agree with the points brought up. I agree with writer Emily Shire that autism research has neglected the adults with the spectrum, something a novel I am working on is trying to address.

A bar isn't my idea place for a first date, but the dim lighting does promote an intimate and cozy environment. Although I am very affectionate and enjoy hugs and kisses (in fact one ex told me I was a better kisser than her ex), many auties are sensory sensitive, and that does extend to human contact. But there are some things I do understand. Flirting is one, although I suck at it and sometimes I truly can't tell if a girl is flirting at me.

There is, however, truth to what Alex Plank is saying. The confidence trick has not specifically worked in the past for dating, but in general, it has me with pathways that could have lead to dating. For me, it was being more relaxed and sadly, being in the right place at the right time. When I had an interest in D.A., I could tell by the way she was flirting at me as we were chatting. With A.E, it was through her tone of voice on the phone (she was a go-between at one point between myself and her older brother who is my best of best friends). For C.A, it was a matter of a guess. We started chatting and it escalated from there. In fact, I had some gut feeling and sense that she might of liked me even before we started fully talking.

And I happen to agree with the statement that "some women with autism may ultimately have an edge in the dating world", as in general women are programmed to be social creatures by nature and . At the same time, maybe some of us on the autism spectrum might have moreso a social processing disorder than full-blown high functioning autism. The key to success on the autism spectrum in dating is in general to socialize. Another thing brought up is the belief that auties can't lie. We can, but only little white ones and big ones we just don't touch. I agree with John Elder Robison on that auties can have feelings and strong ones at them. "A constant complaint among the individuals interviewed for this piece is the misconception that people with autism can't express love or care for others." Hogwash. We can. I did for almost three months, and if things had worked out, it would have been a lifetime. I would have had to find a way to come to terms with the fact that the person I would have been spending the rest of my life with was more sexually experienced than I am, which is almost non-existent. That's been a big issue with me: someone who is technically a virgin trying to accept the fact that he might have only one, if lucky, two sexual partners through his life. I posed a question on WrongPlanet recently: can auties understand and engage in causal sex? For me, it's something I can't quite grasp, especially for someone who can't "pick up chicks" even if his life depended on it. Lack of confidence on my part? Maybe. That's something I should speak to a therapist about.

For me of course? I will not give up on dating, even if it means having to make the money to fly out as far west as California to meet a date. Distance is not a factor for me, it's the quality and compatibility that is. Building romantic relationships is for me one of the hardest things I'll ever do in my life. I might find it easier to run for public office, but I am up for almost any challenge, and I can't see myself not married, even if. And I'll sum up my opinion: well written and right on. For adults with autism, dating is a huge challenge.

I might have a follow-up to this blog entry at a later date.